Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
