I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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