He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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