If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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