By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
