True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
