that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
