we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
