Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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