I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
