I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
