I want to walk on stilts...naked
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So. Much. Porn.
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