did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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