We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
