Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
