Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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