Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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