we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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