Don't you send me to vm
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
