Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize