Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
