My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My life is pants optional.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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