tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
