i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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