i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
