Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
