the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
