Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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