I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
