..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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