Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
