You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
