thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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