Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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