he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize