Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize