doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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