I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
