She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
