I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
