I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
