theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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