dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
