My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
