Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who died my cat blue again?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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