She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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