There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize