u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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