Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize