That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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