I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
