OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
