So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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