i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
