Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
