so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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