just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
